20 pounds in a year?!?!

So...today we had a weigh in for an incentive at work. It's a "Don't Gain, Maintain" incentive for the holidays. As long as you don't gain more than 2 pounds over the next month and a half you get 25 wellness points.

Wellness points are the equivalent to cash money. Every wellness point is worth $1 and at the end of the year, however many wellness points you gain they give you a little bonus. You can earn some by going to the gym, losing weight, running, etc. Any way that you are keeping healthy. They even have screenings and stuff throughout the school year.

Anyway, back to this weigh-in. I know I have packed on some pounds in the last few months, but never did I imagine that it was this much. I was stunned. And...as I tried to hold back tears, I called my husband to tell him. 168 pounds. I can remember when my "panic weight" was 140. I thought, if I get to 140 pounds, I'll freak out...and look at me. Here I am a whole 30 pounds past my panic weight and still not in the gym.

Truth be told, I was in the gym. I was doing great until I broke my foot about a year and a half ago and I haven't been consistent since. Yeah, I spend most of my days in the summer headed to the gym, but I'm not a gym rat like I felt like. Plus, I'm not motivated.

Well...I think I just got motivated. 168 is a number I never thought I would see. And, if the hubsters and I are planning on popping a baby out in the near future, I don't want this weight hanging over my head....or maybe I should say belly.

I know to some people 168 might not sound that bad. However you have to understand where I came from. I was super active and weighed about 110 pounds all throughout high school and college. It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I actually started panicking about my panic weight. Even then I managed to keep it in check and although I went a little above 140 I maintained.

This past year/ year and a half has been brutal. I have steadily gained weight and done nothing but tried to eat healthier. Yes, I haven't been in the gym...but I have probably eaten healthier than any other time in my life, and drank less alcohol, too. Which we all know is a huge plus for me. And no matter what I do, I can't seem to lose anything. Even during the months where I was steadily in the gym there didn't seem to be much difference. Maybe a pound here or there but nothing significant.

About 2 months ago I went into the doctor to get some blood work done to see if I had a thyroid problem. Unfortunately, the test came back negative and I was fine. Unfortunately?, you might think...but yes, to me that's unfortunate. I wanted there to be something wrong so I had an explanation for why I was gaining weight so rapidly. And now...I'm stuck with no reasoning.

When I was on the phone with Mike I told him I'm getting back in the gym. Hopefully this is enough motivation for me to make this work this time. I always have so many excuses and I know it's going to cut back on the amount of time I actually get to see my husband, but I have to do something. And truthfully, it's not just for me, it's for him.

This is something I wrote a while back when I was actually working out. I want so badly to be the person I think Mike wants me to be. And although it hurt, this afternoon he told me "I could tell you have put on weight over the last few months" and it's all I needed to hear to know I'm not who he wants me to be right now. He has always done everything he can to make me feel beautiful and keep me confident. So it probably hurt him just as much to tell me the truth.

So here I am....I'm expecting you to keep me in check, ladies. I'm back on that grind. Don't give in to my excuses......if I fail, tell me I failed and to suck it up and get back to it. I need tough love. It's the only thing that works for me.