Monday, November 17, 2014

Most Popular Posts #1 - 10 reasons I can't stand my husband

This week I decided to go back and repost some of my most popular posts. I always enjoy rereading them and figured you might too.

The first one is probably also one of my favorite posts of all time. It's all about the many reasons I can't stand my husband. We all have our moments with out significant others and venting about it always helps so why not vent to the world?!!? Hope you enjoy!!

__________________________________________________________________________

Yeah, yeah...husband bashing here. It's probably just going to be man bashing in general. And bashing of anyone who has it easier than me doing absolutely anything. Yup, I'm in that mood.


So, Mike and I have been at each other's throat's lately. See, here's where the night shift comes in handy. I can get the hell away from him for a while!! So, I thought what better way to get 'ish off my chest than to man bash right here on the interwebz for everyone to see. And laugh at. Because you all have the same problems I do.

Here's my list. I say ten, but I'm sure once I get started it's just going to come flowing out of me. 

1. Did you seriously just call me at work to ask me where the lint roller was? You mean that lint roller was so important that I had to stop teaching to tell you to look in the same damn place it has been in 3 moves, 4 years, and the 24 hours its been since you used it last?  

2. How old are you? 29? And I still get up in the middle of the night and sit in piss on the toilet seat because you can't seem to aim correctly? Not to mention you didn't lift it in the first place. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't imagine having to stand when I'm half asleep and actually aim and shoot into a little hole, but, I would have the smarts to find ways around it. Like, sit down and tuck??

3. Please stop telling me how hard your job is, and then come home and tell me that you're so tired because you didn't get to "get a nap in" at work last night. Really? Who naps at work?? I sure as hell don't get a nap. And this "I worked all night" 'ish. Well, I worked all freakin' day but I still have to come home and function.

4. Speaking of work. Did you just complain about the 20 minute drive you now have home? Oh, that sucks. CUZ THE HOUR PLUS THAT I'VE BEEN DRIVING TO WORK FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS IS JUST FREAKIN' WONDERFUL!

5. Please take your hand out of your pants. Your "boys" are still there, don't worry. And the whole "It's warm down there" doesn't work with me. Can you imagine if I walked around with my hands down my pants all evening. I would look pretty stupid, right? Exactly.


6. You know how you do that thing where you burp up your food and then re-eat it and swallow it?? Yeah...that's nasty. Especially when you do it 2 hours after you eat. By then it's started to digest, so....that's throw up. 

7. Is there anything that isn't competitive for you? Like last night when you counted how many tater tots I had and how many you had because you thought I had more than you and I said they were probably about the same?

8. What do you eat??? Because there has to be something you put in you that smells so foul when it comes back out. And, it's ok to fart a lot....but you?? I mean you don't get an award you know. 

9. And speaking of farting...hot boxing me in the car when it's 90ยบ and I have a headache is no longer funny. It used to be...when I was 7. 


10. You can stop yelling at me for being a backseat driver when you stop almost killing us in parking lots.

11. Yes, I need another box of tampons. I know, I know...they're expensive. But...what do you want me to do?? No, I can't wait a few more weeks until we get paid again. It doesn't work like that.

12. I have to wipe every time I use the bathroom. No matter what...so please stop buying the 4 for $1.00 packs of toilet paper. 

13. When I tell you I can't stay awake for any more shows and then you put it on and I fall asleep, don't suggest I get up and dance so I can wake myself up. 

OK, so thirteen wasn't that bad. And, I feel so much better!!! Any of you guys have these same issues?? I'm sure not!! haha.

Truth is I love my husband dearly. We all have our own husband issues, and these are just a few of mine. But in the end, I wouldn't trade him for the world.

3 comments :

  1. I love this post, I am sure all of us wives can agree to a lot of these...especially the farting..what crawled up there and died?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously....I always tell him...something is seriously rotten inside of you. You have a problem. haha.

      Delete
  2. I seriously love you two! Y'all are awesome AND hilarious!!

    ReplyDelete