Hashtag Humpday

Funny story {bro}... Mike had training yesterday for his job and......HE GOT TASED!! Haha. How awesome is that? I told his sergeant they should let their wives pull the trigger. Talk about getting out some frustration?? Wouldn't that be perfect? Can you imagine getting the opportunity to tase your husband?? Aww, man. *sigh* It would be wonderful. #sorrynotsorry #iwishisawhisface #dontworrysomeonetapedit #donttasemebro


I need someone to feel sorry for me and buy me things. Maybe I should start leading rich men on so they drape me in jewelry and shoes and take me on sick vacations. When I was in college my mom always told me I should marry rich, sleep with him once, and he'd probably croak in the process. Then I could live off of that for a while. I wish I was that selfish. Lord knows between Mike and I we don't bring much to the table. It would be nice not to have to worry about material things. They say money doesn't buy happiness but I can't think of anything I need that doesn't require a purchase. #helpmeimpoor #buymeallthethings #ineedasugardaddy


My mom is retiring this year after like 4,000 years of teaching. She's been super nervous because she's scared she won't have anything to do. Isn't that the point? I'm pretty sure when I retire you'll find me fat as all hell, with cheetos on my lap, a drink in my hand, and an indent on the couch. Well, maybe for the first few years, then I'll probably travel a little. When I travel you will find me on a cruise ship, by the pool, food on my belly, drink in my hand, and an indent on the pool chair. I'm just going to pretty much not give a fluck. #letthecountdownbegin #ivegotlikeathousandyearsleft #wtf

Hashtag Humpday

Hey look at me, I'm baacck! Sorry Monday's are my slacker days and since Tuesday was kind of like a Monday, Tuesday was my slacker day, too. #sorrynotsorry

This weekend was a blast. I was super nervous I would have nothing to do because Mike was working....of course. But, I took matters into my own hands and I was so busy I actually had to choose between things. Look at me!! I'm not sitting around moping any more. I'm doin shit! I pretty much laid out the entire weekend. Sunday I went to a wine and craft beer tasting and was wrecked by about 2. Luckily, we had a cookout that night at our neighbors so we just carried on with the drunkenness. Sad part is we were all beat from the sun and drinks so most of us headed to bed about 10. #slackers #ineedbeautysleep #imtoooldforthis



This is like the best week ever. We were off on Monday so it makes it a 4 day week, plus Career Day is tomorrow so really...I only have to deal with these shizzles for 3 days. I can handle that. Next week, however, I'm not making any guarantees. #whycanttheyallbelikethis #ifonlywecoulddrink


Confession: I'm lazy as 'ish in the summertime. All I want to do is lay out and drink and anything that hinders that sometimes makes me a bitch. You know how everyone always says teachers teach for 3 reasons, June, July, and August. Nosir. I get 2 weeks off. And those 2 weeks are right before school starts again so all I so is anticipate the first day. I know, I know, I can't complain. But still...I want to take advantage of the summers like everyone else. Actually this year was going to be the year I did that, but I was offered this job and I couldn't turn it down. So...it's my own fault. But......it sure would be nice. #teacherslivesmatter #prayforavacay #anotherreasontodrinkatschool

Hashtap Humpday

I'm over it. School that is. I think I have some senioritis, or "teacheritis" or something....but to be honest I'm just trying to make it until June 18th. Then my good old summer program starts on June 19th and I'm at it again. haha. I honestly think it's all about the drive. I'm over the drive. Especially on these beautiful days and it never fails that I get caught behind some grandma or grandpa going 4 mph. #movebitchgetouttheway #isitsummeryet #ineedadrink



My husband and I love Game of Thrones, but.......he read all the books. So? What's the problem? This season doesn't follow the books. Still don't get it? Let me clarify. Mike thinks this season is supposed to go the way it went in the books. After all, it is a series based off of books, but, since it's not...every mother effin' episode I have to listen to him talk about how it's different from the books. The past few seasons, while it went with the books, I had to listen to him talk about how much better the books were.....oh my. #justletmewatchitalone #winterisabitch #burnthebooks #ineedadrink



Anyone been watching Kandi's Ski Trip? I think there has only been one episode, but if I had aunts and a momma like Kandi and I had that much money I was handing out to them you better be damn sure that I would totally cut them off. They are so ungrateful!! I mean you're on a trip for free. I could give a shit less if I was given a trip to hell for a week...I'd go! Just for the experience. WTF is up with people who are so "entitled" that they feel the need to complain about something so graciously offered to them for free??? If you didn't want to be cold, don't go. You didn't have to accept the offer!! #rantdone #showmethemoney #ungratefulbetches

7 things "they" lied to me about...

// "Quest bars are delicious! " No, they look and smell like they should be, but the texture is disgusting and they have no flavor. Granted I have only tried the Cookies and Cream, but supposedly that is everyone's favorite. It literally took me 2 sittings to finish it. #dontlietome #imfragile



// "When you're an adult, you can do whatever you want!" We have bills to pay, jobs to tend to, children to take care of. OK, so maybe college, where I got to get drunk on my parents money, live with my favorite people, and decide whether or not I wanted to go to class....maybe that was awesome....but now....nope. I don't have enough money to do whatever I want! #helpmeimpoor #idontwannagrowup

// "Working out is so much fun!" You can have fun while you work out, but working out in general is not fun. Now, don't get me wrong, I like working out, but at no point in time do I say to myself, "Wow!! This is awesome!!". Unless of course I just benched like 275 and then I probably would say that...right before I pass out. #makingainz #nowherenearthat


// "Pssh, when you buy a house you'll get bank back in taxes!" Nope. As a matter of fact the amount we get back in taxes has SUCKED the past two years. I told Mike we need to have a kid. Then maybe we can see some "bank" back in taxes. #helpmeimstillpoor

// "Oysters are an aphrodisiac" I'm calling BULLSHIT!! I ate about 20 of those things the other night and my "down there" was no more in the mood than any other sober Sunday night. So...if this is true, you might want to tell me what to eat in combination with them because this shit did NOT work!! #letsgetiton #ideatalltheoysters

// "Marriage is hard!" Nope. Marriage isn't any harder than the first 4 years we lived together. It's just more expensive to break up. Living together is hard. When you have to share your space with another person, one who might not have the same habits you do, that's hard. It's not marriage that's hard. It's not breaking up with the person you live with that's hard. #myhusbandisawesome #especiallywhenhesatwork #nightshiftrocks

// "Working out gives me so much energy!" *side eye* I'm exhausted! Not to mention I sleep like shit because every time I need to move my body punches me in my face and reminds me leg day was yesterday. #excusemeineedanap #faceplant



Happy Humpday!!

Hashtag Humpday

If you didn't enter the Flex Watches giveaway you missed out. I have the winner and I will announce it tomorrow for Thursty Thursday. Don't forget Thursty Thursday is tomorrow. It's important. We all need good drinks in our lives. Tune in. #shamelessplug #thurstythursday #drinksmakemehappy


As much as I hate the snow, I have to admit the snow days last week were really nice. This week sucks. I think I got a little to used to being home and even though I didn't do anything worthwhile it was nice not to have to wake up to an alarm. I need to go back to those no snow snow days we had about a month ago. #nosnowsnowday #ineedsummer #effthesnow

I'm having shopping withdrawal. I need new clothes so bad. My closet is full of lounge gear and stuff that doesn't fit me. My problem is that when I buy things I have buyers guilt and I usually end up taking them back. Especially if I think even remotely that it costs more than I should pay. And then there's websites like Groopdealz and Jane.com where everything is so cheap, but you can't tell if the clothes are too or not. And...I hate taking the chance. Anyone wanna send me some free clothes??? #helpmeimpoor #buyallthethings



Two weeks ago we had my father in law walk our dog for us while we were away for the night. I've been asking Mike for the last 2 weeks to go get the key from him. I've already been locked out of the house twice because he forgets I don't have a key. Last night when I came home from work and the gym I was locked out again. Mike was in Baltimore at the Terps game so, needless to say, I was pissed. I was tired and hungry and the last thing I wanted to do was make the 20 minute drive back to town to get this key. But...no other choice, so I went. He will pay with vodka. #willworkforvodka #men #lockeddown #bfeprobs



If you didn't see I posted this DIY on Monday. I posted the picture a couple of weeks back and I had a lot of requests for the directions. It's super easy and I'm so proud of myself. You should make one too and show me how great it turned out. #anothershamelessplug #imcraftyyeahimcraft #tothetuneofimdifferent

And...Humpday Confessions

#HashtagHumpday

It's #HumpDAAAAYYY!!

So today we have a half day. Remember half days when we were younger? You got to go home and chill and play all afternoon?? Yeah, not so much when you're the teacher. I guess teachers no longer get the actual half days. I know they used to because both my parents were teachers and they always got to come home with us. Now we have conferences, inservices, etc. #boring #humpdayhalfday #idontwannagrowup



Mike has officially been gone from me for 3 days now. I'm managing, although I got pissed when he sent me pictures of his beer flight and the awesome bar he went to for dinner last night. Stupid punk. As I sat at home and ate week old leftover chicken pot pie minis. Nights are awfully cold though since we turn off the heat to keep the cost down. #helpmeimpoor #singlereadytomingle #errmaybenot



One plus about Mike being away is that I have bribed all my friends and my mother to take care of me. :) Mom's taking me to dinner tonight and tomorrow night my neighbor and I are headed to sushi. And truth....I headed to Chipotle on Monday night for some take out. haha. So maybe I don't have a right to complain about Mike's turkey club and beer flight. But still.... #sushiismyfav #happydance



I've been super pretty productive so far this week, too!! I've done a load of laundry, started a DIY project, and picked up the house. Someone mentioned after this post yesterday how nice it is when you can pick up the house and (since Goober isn't here) it stays that way for a few days!! It's so true. Although, I do plan on leaving my shit out all over the bathroom counter. What's the point of putting it away?!?! Matter of fact, I have no intentions of making the bed either!!  #thatdoesnthappenanyway #letsbehonest #ineedamaid

The Thursty Thursday linkup is tomorrow and I started on my drink already. It had to "freeze" overnight. *hint hint* And I'm super super excited about it. I can't wait to try it. It uses an alcohol I don't drink a lot of but I think it's going to be delicious!! And...if you tune in....you can totally use it for a great summer picnic drank!!! #ThurstyThursday #shamelessplug

It's my Momma's Birthday!!! If you see her... you know, if it happens to be that you follow my blog AND know my mom at the same time.....wish her a Happy Birthday!!! #partylikeit #imstillmakingherpaytonightthough 

#SnowDay

Don't forget..tomorrow is #ThurstyThursday!! Stop by and party with us!

We got a #SnowDay today!!! Absolutely crazy because our backyard looks like this....

#weneedafence #fencesareexpensive #fencefund #impoor

But I'm not complaining!! I live about 45 minutes north of where I work so usually we are the ones who have snow and they don't. But today, I guess it was finally the other way around!

Mike was actually off until tonight, too so we get to #cuddleup together and freeze to death.

And I get to work this body out!! Today was not originally going to be a gym day because Mike goes into work tonight...but that's a whole new #bitchyblogpost. I'm super excited that I get to go, however, and with Mike, too. He's my favorite person to #workout with. I mean who wouldn't want to work out with this hunk of a man?

#datbackdoh #ripped #hisshirtnothisback

So off we go!! #BEASTMODE