Wednesday, October 02, 2013

"Doin' the Do" on your wedding night - (yup, it's about sex)

First off, if you don't like this topic, don't read this. It's my blog. I write what I wanna!!

Oh!!! And don't forget to come link up for Thirsty Thursday tomorrow!! All you have to do is link up one of your posts about alcohol!!!

Okay so, lets be honest...whenever someone gets married you always wonder if they're actually going to "do the do" on their wedding night. Come on...fess up. We all wonder.


Here's something you might not know about me. I'm really interested in sex. No, I'm not some crazy fiend, it's just interesting to me. And truthfully, whenever my friends come over, our conversations always turn to sex. So, I can't be the only one. 

Honestly, I don't think it's something you have to feel embarrassed to talk about. I mean yeah, sometimes it's awkward to picture OPP (look it up, you down with it??) and sometimes you hear things you don't need to hear, but it's still interesting.


Think of it this way, your friend tried out a recipe that you've been eyeing up for weeks. And..before trying out the recipe for yourself you need to get the lowdown. For example: How complicated is this recipe exactly? Does it involve a lot of fancy utensils that you might not have lying around your house? Will I get messy? (OK sorry I had to.) Is ther anything I should be aware of when actually preparing this recipe? And most importantly...Is it worth it?? All legit questions, right?!?

So...why is it inappropriate for me to ask the same questions about sex? I mean I want to know what I'm getting myself into before I'm too far gone. 

But...maybe that's just my own opinion..........

Back to the main question...Did you "get down with the get down" on your wedding night??

My answer is probably about the same as 70% of the population.

No.

You see, on the night of my wedding my husband felt the need to take a shot with every single person he's ever spoken to for at least 30 seconds in his life. However, being the good wife that I was, I was doing the mingling with our guests and had no idea this was happening. I mean, I could tell he was a little bit tipsy and going a little bit too far, but I had no idea what I was in store for.



After most of the guests left, Mike and I were getting ready to go to a local bar down the street. When, all the sudden, I looked over and noticed that his eyes were rolling in the back of his head and he was about to pass out on the couch. When I asked how much he drank he said "just like 4 shots".



Now, between the two of us we did manage to kill a half gallon of vodka and another of sweet tea vodka. But, that's just a typical special occasion Saturday for us. lol. I just figured it was one of those nights where it hits you all of once and they you pass out and be done with it.

Boy was I in for a treat...

After I carried Mike up to the room (4 flights of stairs by the way :)) I realized that he truly was incredibly intoxicated. Thank God my brother and his fiance were there to help me. Unfortunately, for them, they were also in for a treat. The only words that Mike made out clearly that evening were "I want Scott and Leigh to undress me....and very, very slowly." *eye roll*

Between the three of us we did manage to get him undressed and put him in bed. Me still in my wedding dress. When I thought he was asleep I started to head up the stairs to get the rest of my clothes. And that's when it happened. 

I had literally seen Mike get sick about 3 times in our relationship. But tonight changed it all. He would not stop. I somehow got him to the toilet and that is where I slept for the remainder of the evening. Sitting up, on a tile floor, with Mike in between my legs head pushed into the toilet... aallllllllll niiiiigggghhhtttt looooooooooong. Oh, and in my strapless and thong because all my clothes were upstairs.

So...no. Needless to say I did not do the horizontal mambo on our wedding night. And, thanks to an incredibly long hangover and a drive to Florida, it wasn't until 3 days later that we finally got to consummate our marriage. 

A few weeks later when we got our pictures back I had the proof...




So..did you "do the do" on your wedding night?!?!
Did you "do it" on your wedding night?
  
pollcode.com free polls 

31 comments :

  1. I love this post! I am exactly the same as are most of my friends. It is inevitable that when we are together our conversations will turn to sex. I couldn't imagine having friends that didn't talk about it at all! As for your wedding night, Yikes! Haha at least you can hold that over him anytime you ever get sick for the rest of your life!

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  2. Wow, what a wonderful way to end the night...throw up and no sex. At least you took care of him and i hope you gave him shit afterwards. I also think sex is pretty important but that doesn't mean we get tons of time to have it with our busy schedule and kiddos around. There have been a few nights were one of us have a few to many drinks and one of us passes out. When we every get time away for a whole weekend we try to fit everything we can in...including the dirty but sometimes the drinks kinda take precedent. Love this post...something different to mix it up!!

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    1. Haha. We NEVER have sex after drinking!! And on occasion, when we do, it's HORRIBLE!! haha. I'm too busy trying to make the room stop spinning to concentratre on making my toes curl. Haha.

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    2. bahaha I am so late to this party, but my husband always asks "what side of the line I'm on" when I'm drinking because he says I can go from frisky to pass out in a matter of seconds haha!

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  3. im sure we wont on our wedding night. We always drink too much with company!

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    1. Haha. Yeah, it's so hard anyway. You're exhausted!!! It's such a long day and I was just happy it was over. Or at least I thought it would be over.

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  4. hehe I love this! So many people would probably hesitate writing a post about sex but you go girl! My friends and I are the same way- conversations always end up being about sex haha.

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    1. Oh girl!! I am in NO WAY reserved. Haha. Well, at least when it comes to talking about sex. I love this topic and what better way then to tell my friends!!

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  5. We did not do it. We were both in your husband's position. I only drank that night and never saw food come my way. The closest I got was the cake cutting when I shoveling fists full of cake into my pie hole. Or cake hole. Whatever.
    Our Sunday morning hangovers were met with creepy masseuse hands as I had scheduled an early morning couples massage. What a bad idea!!!

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    1. See I got drunk the night before my wedding and if there is any advice I have for soon to be newly weds DONT GET DRUNK THE NIGHT BEFORE YOUR WEDDING!!! I never even touched our food. So pissed because I was afraid I wouldn't keep it down. So...I drank the night away. Hair of the Dog.

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  6. I am not married by I have lived with my boyfriend for 13 years, I can't imagine doing it on our wedding night (if we were to ever get married). It's not like we haven't been doing it for a while now, so I think I'd just choose to sleep!

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    1. Haha. Right?!? Same here. We were together for plenty of time. I knew what it was all about. lol. And I was exhausted!!!

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  7. I love this! Unfortunately on our wedding night I will probably be the one with my head in the toilet... and I'm sure we will be far too exhausted to even think about "consummating our marriage" after the wedding. haha

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    1. Haha. Well just make sure you take off your dress first!! I'm surprised I didn't have puke all over my dress!!

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  8. I have a lot of thoughts about this. People make it out to be SUCH A BIG DEAL and i just don't think it is. I mean, if Garrett voms on me on our wedding night, I'll probably be pissed, but I just feel like once all the wedding things are over, the only thing I'll want to do is sleep.

    Also, I love talking about sex with my friends too!!!

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    1. Yay!!! See I knew I wasn't the only one. Some of my friends think it's weird and others start the convo with me bc they know I'm all ears!! It's not a big deal at all!! And all you want to do IS sleep!!

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  9. Oh my gosh . . . this was too funny. We had a morning wedding, followed by a brunch wedding. So nobody was getting TOO tipsy. We did "to do" after the reception . . .but later that night I followed in your footsteps as my husband had WAY too much while we celebrated with our friends :) Fortunately we had about 12 hours for him to try to sober up before hopping on a red-eye to Jamaica :)

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    1. Haha...yup. Same. We woke up the next morning and had to take down all the decorations and everything at the B&B where we stayed. Needless to say Mike was NO HELP!! Then, he complained the whole time, continued to puke when we got back home, and slept while I drove the entire way to Florida!!

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  10. Love this post! Gosh and for real about the entire recipe comparison! Most of my friends won't bring it up so I don't, and end up feeling weird about it. I should frame that, I have several single g/f that are saving themselves for marriage..... On that note, I did have sex on my wedding night! And it was the first time!!! WAAAAA!! Yeah I just posted that. Now your blog makes me wanna write allllllllll freaking about it :) ironically I had been thinking about blogging about it for a few weeks :)!!! Great blog :) loved the evidence at the end! Ha! Busted!

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    1. OMG!! I admire people like you! I have a few friends who waited. As for me. I slutted it up early i guess. lol. As for the recipe comparison, it's true!! It's all legit questions for recipes and sex!! And write about it girl!! I wanna read!!

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  11. hahaha this is amazing. I'm pretty sure I did the do on my wedding night because I woke up with no bottoms but a top on?

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    1. Baaaahahaha. OMG!! I legit just laughed out loud hard on this one. Haha. Sounds like hubby got it in!!

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  12. I love this post! I'm not married, but I imagine if my bf and I were to tie the knot we'd both be in your husband's condition that night. Either way I had never even thought about it until this post! Too funny

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    1. lol. Thanks!! I think about it all the time. Every single wedding I go to I wonder if they will "do it" or not. haha.

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  13. Neither of us got drunk at our wedding and we still didn't do it, we were too exhausted. Being up at 6am for hair/makeup and not going to bed till almost midnight guaranteed the deed wasn't getting done. Thankfully we had a nice week-long honeymoon to make up for it ;-)

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    1. Right?!?! It's such an exhausting day!! And we had to set EVERYTHING up for our wedding. Our honeymoon was almost 3 weeks long so we made up for it, too. haha.

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  14. Oh my gosh I love this post. I mean not the fact that your night was spent on a bathroom floor helping your husband puke, but you wrote about it perfectly! I've ALWAYS wondered if people do the deed on their wedding night. I know that I will probably be hella tired after such a big day - I'll just want to sleep! :)

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    1. Oh girl...it's so exhausting. Well, the wedding, not the "do". lol. I give props to the people who actually are sober enough and have enough energy to do it. It was the last thing on my mind.

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  15. omg haha love it! Every time my boy and i go out of town to a hotel for a romantic weekend one of us gets too drunk to have any fun in the room....this would probably happen at my wedding too.

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  16. This is the most transparent post I have ever read! Funny!!!

    Jasmine

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    1. Haha!! Thanks!! Girl, I'm all out there. There isn't much that embarrasses me. lol.

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