Wednesday, October 09, 2013

10 reasons I can't stand my husband...

Yeah, yeah...husband bashing here. It's probably just going to be man bashing in general. And bashing of anyone who has it easier than me doing absolutely anything. Yup, I'm in that mood.

And...don't forget to stop by tomorrow for Thirsty Thursday!! Brandi is going to be my cohost!!

So, Mike and I have been at each other's throat's lately. See, here's where the night shift comes in handy. I can get the hell away from him for a while!! So, I thought what better way to get 'ish off my chest than to man bash right here on the interwebz for everyone to see. And laugh at. Because you all have the same problems I do.

So here's my list. I say ten, but I'm sure once I get started it's just going to come flowing out of me. 

1. Did you seriously just call me at work to ask me where the lint roller was? You mean that lint roller was so important that I had to stop teaching to tell you to look in the same damn place it has been in 3 moves, 4 years, and the 24 hours its been since you used it last?  

2. How old are you? 29? And I still get up in the middle of the night and sit in piss on the toilet seat because you can't seem to aim correctly? Not to mention you didn't lift it in the first place. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't imagine having to stand when I'm half asleep and actually aim and
shoot into a little hole, but, I would have the smarts to find ways around it. Like, sit down and tuck??

3. Please stop telling me how hard your job is, and then come home and tell me that you're so tired because you didn't get to "get a nap in" at work last night. Really? Who naps at work?? I sure as hell don't get a nap. And this "I worked all night" 'ish. Well, I worked all freakin' day but I still have to come home and function.

4. Speaking of work. Did you just complain about the 20 minute drive you now have home? Oh, that sucks. CUZ THE HOUR PLUS THAT I'VE BEEN DRIVING TO WORK FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS IS JUST FREAKIN' WONDERFUL!

5. Please take your hand out of your pants. Your "boys" are still there, don't worry. And the whole "It's warm down there" doesn't work with me. Can you imagine if I walked around with my hands down my pants all evening. I would look pretty stupid, right? Exactly.

6. You know how you do that thing where you burp up your food and then re-eat it and swallow it?? Yeah...that's nasty. Especially when you do it 2 hours after you eat. By then it's started to digest, so....that's throw up. 

7. Is there anything that isn't competitive for you? Like last night when you counted how many tater tots I had and how many you had because you thought I had more than you and I said they were probably about the same?

8. What do you eat??? Because there has to be something you put in you that smells so foul when it comes back out. And, it's ok to fart a lot....but you?? I mean you don't get an award you know. 

9. And speaking of boxing me in the car when it's 90ยบ and I have a headache is no longer funny. It used to be...when I was 7. 

10. You can stop yelling at me for being a backseat driver when you stop almost killing us in parking lots.

11. Yes, I need another box of tampons. I know, I know...they're expensive. But...what do you want me to do?? No, I can't wait a few more weeks until we get paid again. It doesn't work like that.

12. I have to wipe every time I use the bathroom. No matter please stop buying the 4 for $1.00 packs of toilet paper. 

13. When I tell you I can't stay awake for any more shows and then you put it on and I fall asleep, don't suggest I get up and dance so I can wake myself up. 

OK, so thirteen wasn't that bad. And, I feel so much better!!! Any of you guys have these same issues?? I'm sure not!! haha.

Truth is I love my husband dearly. We all have our own husband issues, and these are just a few of mine. But in the end, I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Dont forget to get your post ready for tomorrow's linkup!!!
Hopelessly Ever After


  1. hahaha...this is great!

  2. Haha I think we can ALL relate to this one!

  3. LOL yup. #1 reminds me of something he said last night "where's the hair dryer?" (he needed it to take down a decal on our wall) I said "you REALLY don't know where it is by now? we've lived here for almost 3 years and it's still in the same spot." I didn't get a response but 2 minutes later he had the dryer in his hand. LMAO.

  4. I am dying. Suggesting you get up and dance, ha! The Hubs suggests I run around the house a few times to.burn off energy!

  5. I loved the intro " we all have the same problems" ahahahahaha great list!

  6. Hahahahaha, this is hilarious! I have fallen in the toilet many times during the night because apparently when I turn "the sun" (bathroom light) on it wakes up Mike... seriously! :-D

  7. OH man.....#1 really hit home. How is it that my husband knows where NOTHING is in our house? I don't know how many times a week he asks me where to find something.

  8. haha gosh you just about made me spew coffee this morning with this post. Haha you are too funny...those things also drive most of us nuts!

  9. Are you married to my husband????? Lord we must be married to twins or something!

  10. 100% #10. He knows I'm a nervous driver/car rider, yet he still drives like an idiot with me in the car and then gets mad when I freak out and grab the oh shit bar.

  11. im dying at the " i have to wipe every time i use the bathroom"..Duh. men are so dense i swear...

  12. I recently threatened to walk around with my hand in my own pants to see how he felt standing next to me.

  13. #5 works for brothers too! It's like are you flipping kidding me? Don't scratch your balls in front of me! Last time I checked we have MULTIPLE bathrooms if you need to go do that, or your room even! YEESH!

  14. My boyfriend does these things allllll the time!!! He'll call when I'm visiting my parents for the weekend and ask where the waffle maker is. And how to use it. And then will just not eat at all!!
    #5 & #8 too!!
    AHHH MENS. They're nuts.

  15. Couldn't agree more on #5 and #10. Every time he lays down on the couch, the pants get opened and the hands disappear. Both hands, dude? Really?

  16. hahahahah thank you so much for the laugh!!

  17. Now this is an awesome post! Ant and I don't live together yet so we don't have some of these problems and THANK GOD, he doesn't do the hands in the pants thing, I'd make him sanitize his hands before he touched me.

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  19. Omg, like one of you ladies said, “are you married to my husband”? This kind of makes me feel a little better, my husband is all this and more.